Thursday, January 15, 2009

What Bad Days Do

I had a bad day. It's my personal blog so what the hell.. I rant here, get all senti so if you can't bear it, I suggest you leave my blog.

Life sometimes gets shitty when you least expect it or worse, things go wrong one day after another. If you allow it to creep into you, nerves break and you find yourself wallowing over self-pity and depression. I'm never a showy gal. Never the type to cry in front of friends begging for comfort. I try doing that whenever I'm in a tight fix because I find crying and a pair of ears to listen to your rants in between sobs, therapeutic. Psychologically speaking, it keeps people from going 'cuckoo'. However, much as I want to let it all out, I can't. Tears don't flow.

When doors are closed, lights are turned off and everything is engulfed with silence and darkness, I cry in solitude. I immerse myself in prayers. If anyone has a chance to hear me, they might think I was talking to a friend. Yes,I was. In the dead of the night, I turn to my most loyal and patient friend, God. Whenever I tell and recount my disappointments and misery to Him, tears strangely start to flow unbidden.

The morning after, things go back to where I left them. What changed is how I see them. Renewed hope and strength allows me to leave the unforeseen (even foreseen) circumstances to Divine Providence. Although hurting may be part of the entire process, I am prepared to endure it all. Trusting is not an easy task, it never was. But it is the one thing I hold now that keeps me going and trying.

My mother always reminds me, 'You plan. God decides.'

I have a lot of plans I have laid out for myself. But it all remains as a proposal which needs a Divine approval. I don't know what of them gets approved. While that remains a mystery, I must have the patience to wait. And for me to have the patience? Continue fueling my faith even in my most trying times.

Something to ponder on, "PRAY AS IF EVERYTHING DEPENDS IN GOD"

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