Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Dread and Anticipation

Grad day looms near. The dread and anticipation hovering around it magnify as one day puts to a close and I wake up to face another day yet. Hoping and praying that whatever I do will amount to a decent grade on my paper. Anything RED gives me the shudders.

Say in our course, getting low marks isn't as bad as it sounds. In fact, hitting just the passing grade would allow one to heave a huge sigh of relief. Funny how other colleges see us more than this. They have no idea the pressure we are constantly in. I find it even weird that compared to other students, if we're lucky enough to stay in the program, we get to graduate THRICE. The privilege of wearing the maroon graduation gown and proudly donning that cap at the end of March spells PRESSURE. And we have to face that again and again, every torturous year starting junior year. The start of our third year marks the gradual death of social life and freedom. And I'm not exaggerating! Okay, maybe a bit. Notice that the operative word there is A BIT. Okay, words. You grammar nazi.

This week is the start, of what we're fond calling, HELL WEEKS. The Finals week officially starts now. Professors breathing at our necks and hurling quizzes and exams one after the other giving us only one freaking day at the least to prepare for an exam, say worth, five chapters! But mind you, a chapter may be four or five chapters' worth of time you spend of grasping its concept.

The point of this entry is, AGAIN, like before when I hesitantly and bravely submitted my application for graduation, at a loss on how I'll get to manage my time from this point forward. I did it once before (not without tears and restless days and nights of worry), I'm pretty sure I can very well do it again in God's grace.

Finals is our make or break. Prelims and Midterms didn't do well with most of us. We're gonna give it our best shot. I believe not one of our batch will fail and repeat one subject. From more than a hundred students, we're down to 43. We've been here this far and we're gonna put up a fight. There's but a little glimmer hope, at least, there's that light no matter how frail and flickering it is now, I believe it'll grow stronger as we work hard for the remaining exams.

THANK GOD for CAFFEINE! How else am I gonna finish all these chapters? I love you Nescafe 3 in 1. Now back to Audit Theory. Pft.

PS forgive the incoherence, not at my sane self. But wait.. I seldom am, aren't I?


lucas said...

somehow, i miss the thrill and pressure of schooling. it may sound weird, but school is much more stressful than what i have on my plate right now..hehe!

i wish you well on your exams...

aka Procne said...

*Sigh* Thanks, i need that.

Iris said...

DAJ! Godbless!!! I know you can do it! Aja aja! :)

I want to have a photo with you on our graduation day. Haha

flipt said...

i can't imagine why students still stay in that course. u must really love it that much to still put up with all the pressure. i'm not saying my course doesn't have its hassle subjects..i'm just glad i only have thesis to worry about this sem (which i still haven't finished yet).

so...see u at the graduation day? ^_^

aka Procne said...

@Iris: Suuuure! Keep your phone in handy. Been to institute grad once and heavens, you have to go through a sea of faces before you could find your friends.

@Flipt: I wish! Let's meet personally. My cousin Zennia (chinchin) is graduating too.

PS this is of course, if i CAN graduate. Gawd. I must really love the course this much flipt.

Warren said...

Isn't life interesting? As I get older and look back it's a much different view than when I was doing it in real time.

aka Procne said...

Why? How do you see my worries about studies?

I'm pretty sure when I reread this post in 10 years I'll get amused that FAIL mark is the most tragic thing that could happen to a college senior and the world would stop if it happens for months or so.

flipt said...

aw uu! cousins man diay mo ni Zennia! hahahaha! maybe we could hangout together sometime. party and stuff. xD (when we no longer have to worry about exams and stuff, of course)..

BoyKidlat said...

the key for success in college is to never lose heart.

works for me.

Fs and 5s are common in my Transcript...(I wonder how I could get a job with all these decorative strokes of ink)

heck, I even retook a subject 4 times. failed it three times because of pure neglect.

I got my groove back now though.
Just never lose heart. once you lose your heart you lose everything else. :)

aka Procne said...

boykidlat: How appropriate for you to say that now when I just had consecutive days of downtrodden spirit due to acad stress.

YES. AMEN. Never lose heart. Don't go down without putting a fight!

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