Tuesday, December 2, 2008

courtrooms can be entertaining

Lawyers are very specific with details; eager to find loopholes to defend their cases. Witnesses on the other hand often misunderstand the queries and tend to give far-fetched answers. It may be the nerves or plain..uhm.. lack of common sense. But lawyers appear to have lost their common sense too in their quest of confusing witnesses and turning the case to their advantage.

NOTE: What you will read below are actually taken from official court records (from US, I guess). The ones highlighted in red are my favorites!

  • Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
  • Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
  • Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
  • Witness: "Er...his face."
  • Lawyer: "Did you blow your horn or anything?"
  • Witness: "After the accident?"
  • Lawyer: "Before the accident."
  • Witness: "Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it."
  • Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
  • Witness: "No."
  • Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
  • Witness: "No."
  • Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
  • Witness: "No."
  • Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
  • Witness: "No."
  • Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
  • Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
  • Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
  • Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
  • Lawyer: "What happened then?"
  • Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
  • Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
  • Witness: "No."
  • Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."
  • Witness: "That's me."
  • Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"
  • Lawyer: "What is your brother-in-law's name?"
  • Witness: "Borofkin."
  • Lawyer: "What's his first name?"
  • Witness: "I can't remember."
  • Lawyer: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"
  • Witness: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"
  • Lawyer: "Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?"
  • Witness: "No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region."
  • Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
  • Witness: "I could see his head."
  • Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
  • Witness: "Just above his shoulders."
  • Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
  • Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
  • Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
  • Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8."
  • Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
  • Witness: "Yes."
  • Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"
  • Lawyer: "You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?"
  • Lawyer: "Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?
  • Lawyer: "What is your marital status?"
  • Witness: "Fair."
  • Lawyer: "So you were gone until you returned?"
  • Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"

*The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.

Source

3 comments:

crumpled said...

haha, this is pretty funny!
tak.tak iq moment sa lawyers!

aka Procne said...

Haha. Call me corny but I really laughed a lot. Click the source. More Lawyer 'Taktak IQ' Moments. Grabe.

phoebe said...

LOL! this is freakin hilarious. nice one jade!

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